I have begun to pray again. Yes, I am that desperate. Not looking for salvation at this point but looking for peace and serenity. I am not sure who I am praying to, just praying for guidance, sanity and hope in a hopeless world.

Would you like some cheese with that whine, yes please. Cut into really small pieces and while you are at it a straw for the whine would be awesome. 


My car insurance has gone up yet another $20 a month. It has progressively gone up a whopping $50 a month since last December. Why? Location, location, location. I have no tickets, outstanding or otherwise, and don’t even drive on the road that has caused everyone in this town’s insurance to go up. I, truth be told, don’t even live in that town. My town is so small that we use their post office. 

It is official. I can no longer afford to own a car much less drive it. 

Sell it? Thought about it. Maybe I can afford to use Lyft or Uber instead. Selling it is a joke anyway. I am so upside down in my loan that I would still have to come up with half the loan in cash because of the blue book value so … No.

It will be the little things that take me down. I do realize, thank you all those that point tis out, that life happens. It is how you respond to them that make the difference. My response to those that have jacked my insurance costs so high: slow the fuck down on 380. You have insurance? Great, quit using that as an excuse for driving like a moron and jacking everyone else’s insurance up because you don’t give a shit.


I took a job that I thought I really wanted only to discover that what they told me in the interview is only what I could look forward to years down the road. I have currently spent more driving around to these various jobs than I brought in on the ‘paycheck’. These jobs that I went to took an hour or so to get to, last anywhere from 2-4 hours and were in not so nice parts of town. Oh, and for $10 an hour and drive time is not included. Nor is mileage. I could ride with others to these jobs yet I have to drive, and hour (if I want to pay $12 in tolls) to the office and then catch a ride to the job. 

I sent my application in to a branch that wasn’t closer to me but yet didn’t require driving around Dallas. I would much rather drive backroads than deal with that traffic, which moves at the speed of light or not at all in Dallas. I asked, while interviewing at the office near Dallas, about where I actually applied and was told that they interview and train out of is branch yet would be assigned to one that I applied. Strangely enough after signing on I was assigned to a branch even further away from me. Not even the Carrloton office, where I interviewed, but Arlington. 

So I called and asked about that. 

Them: your assignments will be based on your zip code. 

My: are there jobs available in Allen, Plano, Wylie, Farmersville, Greenville, Princeton, Blue Ridge…?

Them: yes, but those are out of the Mesquite branch.

Me: (SMH), the branch where I applied?

Them: silence

Me: I was told that my assignments would be based on my zip code.

Them: silence…so do you accept your schedule or not?

Me: No.


So here I sit feeling like a piece of shit. I can’t find work, or can find a job full of lies and deceit. I get some call backs on resumes I’ve sent out yet they always call while I’m sitting in the library and can’t take the call, or while I’m in the shower or just away from my phone. I call back only to get their voicemail. I leave a nice and professional message and wait for them to call back. They don’t. I call again the next day. Voicemail, no return call. I did get through to one that answered the phone so unprofessionally (temp service) that I told them nevermind. When did that window of opportunity get so small? 

Throw in the South not being able to make up its mind on what season it wants to give us today, I have an earache that officially has my jaw looking rather odd – no symetry here thank you very much. Not to mention that I can’t eat anything solid right now because my jaw hurts when I chew and my ear screams at me when I swallow. 

Yesterday was a bust all around. Had grand plans, conquer my world. First stop, get something to eat. Remodeling. Head on into Allen, also remodeling. Okay, so head to another Mickey Dees in Allen and grab a sausage biscuit. Stomach is eating itself so I had to put something in it before going into a Cafe to apply for a job…

Closer to the library now so I stop there first to put in more online applications (I honestly cannot remember how many I’ve submitted or where) and stop by the Cafe on the way back – earache hits like a hurriance, tornado or whatever. Fake like it doesn’t hurt so I can put in this application, in person, not happening. I’m walking like a drunk anyway because my balance is instantly off. All I can focus on is the popping and ringing in that ear, and the pain. 

W.T.F.  Be patient? Right. I am hungry, dissapointed, frustrated, broke and in pain. 

So instead of cheese cut into small bites, maybe some soup (tomato) with a straw. Yes, that would be nice.


To answer the title of this post…not a thing. All things come from people, good and bad. Either to ourselves, for ourselves, for others, to others…it’s a human thing. Something that I suck at today.

Off to bob, weave, tuck and roll with a handful of Ibuprofen and possibly a shot of whiskey. Body don’t fail me now, we’ve got things to do.

Love and light to all! 

Author: bcnaat

Blogger of My Life in Pieces - one piece at a time. Mother of 4, grandmother to 4 (5th on the way!), human pet to two obnoxious dogs that I adore.

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