Time To Choose

Okay, so I am wishy-washy. I commit to things that I regret later and when I redirect my course I feel guilty but at the very least I am remaining true to myself.

I don’t believe the Tarot cards fully or even really put that much into them so please don’t think I am following the draw of a card or cards.

I use them the same way some people will put chores they don’t want to do on a slip of paper and put those pieces into a jar and draw one out and just do it. Don’t want to do it or can’t so you grab another slip of paper and put the other one back in the jar.

They are a tool to help me find an area or areas in my life that it may apply and work on that for a bit. I don’t even use a real deck but do use two different apps on my phone. Every morning the apps will ‘deal’ me a Card Of The Day.

For example: in my Galaxy Tarot app I drew the Ten of Pentacles. This card is about legacy, permanence, wealth, ancestors, wisdom, home. This card reminds me that there are different kinds of wealth. There is financial, spiritual and emotional wealth.

I learned awhile back that wealth is health and well-being where riches is money and/or financial security.

Today I have an abundance of spiritual and emotional wealth. I don’t have an abundance of financial wealth yet I do have financial wealth. The wealth factors are intertwined and I realized not too long ago that they affect each other in either positive or negative ways. My emotional status has not been good for awhile so it has caused problems in the other areas. Even better is now that I have gotten off my spiritual quest and allowed it to flow more naturally my emotional state has begun to level out as well.

This card also talks of ancestry. How did my ancestors handle the problems that I am facing today? This is something that I have been thinking about lately and although I am not sure, I know that I will remember if I allow myself to remember. I also have to be true to what I remember in the aspect that I took what I could use at the time and put it in place at that time, times and circumstances have changed so I need to look at the whole teaching again and take what I can use today and apply it.

Aside from the ugly run on sentence I just wrote, I need to be more flexible in my thinking and attitude toward all of this. Instead of being a single minded bull plowing ahead with my standardized way of doing things, I need to apply this knowledge differently.

On a side note, I am not a cold person in that I think I should feel better about my life because people are living in constant terror in other countries or parts of this country yet still focus on my life not being what I want it to be. I do know that it could be worse for me but I also know that it could be better.

I am also not a cold and uncaring person because I don’t watch the news or read the paper or follow all the dismay in the world through social media. I choose to look for the good in the world. I choose to look for positives because I want to be a positive person in this world instead of a negative person that is a cause of dismay or destruction. In short, I don’t want to be part of the cause, but I want to be part of the solution.

In my Rider Waite Tarot app I drew the Hanged Man. This card works well with the other draw because it is about new perspective, selflessness, flexibility and serenity. It simply means that I may be at crossroads. And I am. I need to choose.

This is hard for me because I have trouble making choices. There was a time that if I couldn’t choose between two things, I would choose both, or neither. So far it has worked out okay but it shows that I have poor decision making skills because I will take both instead of picking one. Another down side is that instead of choosing to be involved in something or not and I can’t choose so I get involved wastes my time, money and effort. All of which drains heavily on my emotional and spiritual growth.

Before I drew either of these cards I had resolved myself to the fact that I am not going to work today. Yes, I could use the extra money but I had planned to work on my fence today. I had also looked forward to taking some time away from work and rest. Spend time with my family for a change.

This brings up my inability to set boundaries and follow my heart instead of my head. Yesterday I did offer to work today so we could get caught up. I am going to end up not doing what I said I was going to do and do what I said I was going to do earlier this week.

This action will make me seem wishy-washy to others involved. I am not wishy-washy, I am horrible at setting boundaries and when I try to correct my course I do appear untrustworthy.

Okay, so I am wishy-washy. I commit to things that I regret later and when I redirect my course I feel guilty but at the very least I am remaining true to myself.

This I will change. Instead of jumping in and answering others so quickly, I have to take the time to access the bigger picture. I also need to start respecting my agreements with myself and quit putting everyone else as priority, including the company that I work for.

If I go to work today instead of being true to the original commitment I made with myself I would have a little more money come payday, but I will still have the frustration of the things I need to do this weekend will have longer term effects and those will be negative.

If it meant a raise or promotion, I would definitely be at work right now. It doesn’t. I will be helping someone out instead of helping myself.

As far as work goes I am doing more than what is required of me as it is with no benefit to myself. In turn I am not living my life for anything other than pleasing others there and my life becomes unbalanced financially, emotionally and spiritually. My reward for pleasing others leaves me exhausted, my health failing and my finances in worse shape than they already are in.

So balance it is. I choose balance. Just as a budget has to balance I will start my life today learning to balance love, finances, health and spirituality. Today I will begin learning to stop choosing one or two areas to focus on and spend time on each equally.

Author: bcnaat

Blogger of My Life in Pieces - one piece at a time. Mother of 4, grandmother to 4 (5th on the way!), human pet to two obnoxious dogs that I adore.

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