Too Far Gone

Now I wonder if I am too far gone. Too far out of my ‘loop’ to imagine continuing? I feel like a stranger in a strange land. Yes, I listen to Heinlein, and no I am no quoting Heinlein but relating to both the statement and the book (and the statement appears in more books than book by that title).

I do feel like I am in a time-warp. I am old, yet I am young. I am in a strange place, yet I have been here before.

The job hunt has been interesting, to say the least. I am still waiting to here back on a job I was told that I had yet haven’t heard anything. I have to move forward. I am already registered with two employment services and will register with more. Most of the jobs that pay decently with my skill set are achieved through services these days.

I am also afraid that I can’t get back in the work routine. I still get up, get dressed and go through my day but lately this strangeness has me all off balance. A lot of this is due to lack of funds. I can’t just run out to wherever and spend the day doing whatever to get me out of the house. I don’t have the gas funds to do that, nor do I have the funds to go do much of anything.

I feel … not sure what I feel. Not hopeless but not hopeful either. I don’t want to get my hopes up about much of anything these days. Always a disappointment. I don’t want to be depressed so I take things with a grain of salt. My fight is gone. Why did I need to fight anyway. Who instilled that mentality in me? Why is everything a fight or a struggle. I know things can be difficult and working through those takes time and effort, but fight?

Change is coming. I feel it. Both good and bad. I shall see what happens and possibly write about it here. Or not.

Love and light to all!